THE SERIAL FARTIST

What to eat, what to eat, the man asked himself before he headed to a job he held for the past fifteen years. Looking in the refrigerator for just the right combination to share with his fellow co-workers. He loved mixing foods to see what aroma would eventually break through, and over the years he has his favorites. A cauliflower and processes meat from a can really delighted him and gave the aroma of death, to which, he loved to share with anyone within a 1 mile distance. His love of flatulence wraps around him daily and some days seeps out of his pores.

The refrigerator was getting low of certain vegetables and meat combinations that he always consumes. He refuses to purchase grains for his diet because in his opinion, his flatulence is weakened. He reaches in and takes out a dish filled with sour kraut and hotdog chunks cooked in from the day before. He grabbed a spoon and began eating the concoction from the container it was stored in. He found the broccoli that accompanied the earlier meal. He immediately knew that his co-workers would be talking about him today. His flatulence is the only way he can get his collegues to notice him. Why did he have to be so boring?

After his breakfast he rushed to ready himself so he could give them the first of many aromas he knew would be his pride and joy. Racing through traffic the four miles to get to the office building that he hoped would permiate his smell his heart was racing. After parking in the back lot so he could work up the best of the meal he had just eaten he opened the door and looked around. Everyone was in their little cliques, talking about what, he did not know. He went straight to the coffee pot, knowing it was about to happen. He could feel his bowels rumble. His heart quickened and he slowly and softly allowed the first of many farts loose. Almost immediately he heard his name called. They notice me now. He stirred the creamer slowly as he allowed another silent fart to escape. Everyone was frantic now, wishing death upon him and praying to God to take them right now. He smiled with his back turned to them, breathing deeply the aroma that everyone didn't seem to appreciate.

He sipped the first taste of coffee and allowed one more fart out. This one though he had worked up so he knew it would be a record breaker. He slowly began to walk to his cubby hole while gassing the entire way. It was less than a few seconds when he heard his name cried out again. Sprays were used to try to mask his aroma, but he knew that no amount of spray would cover the last one. The man to his right cubicle jumped up and ran out of the door to the bathroom. He secretly prayed that the guy was throwing up in the stall. He always kept a smie on his face. He loved to smell his farts and share the only thing he had to share with the world.